amberfaye

the golden girls. hahaha I can't stop watching. I watch it for like 2 hours a night, so priceless. In this episode Rose is getting ready to have sex for the first time since her husband died, and she admits that he died while they were having sex. How fuckin' awkward right? That would possibly be the worst way I can think of for your husband to die. Not in your arms, but... you know.

Life is busy right now, work, work, work. I bought my dad his fathers day gift the other day. 2 tickets to see Collective Soul hahahaha, his favorite. I have to admit though, I'm pretty stoked for "Shine" I mean really, a staple of the 90s! Brand New sold out today, I'm so bummed. I need to get my Tickets for Conor Oberst, Bob Dylan, and (haha) Taking Back Sunday. I can't help it, they were the band of my youth, it's impossible for me to not have a special place in my heart for them.

Today I worked in the morning, and then Kap came over, we went to Chili's and then I had to pick up some stuff for my new car! I'm so obbsessed with my new Honda Civic, it's beautiful, perfection at it's finest.

Guy problems are consistent, but what girl doesn't have them? The guy that I've had feelings for for so long is getting hurt by someone that he really likes, and the worst part is, it's not me. I mean, no I wouldn't want to hurt him, but I try everything in my power to make him like me, but I don't feel it happening, and I don't really know what to do about it, whatsoever. I just have to give it time? That's my plan at least, I'm not much for making moves, I hate being the aggresive one. Third Eye Blind takes the cake on relatable lyrics though, hahaha.

I need to get a camera! This Summer is turning out to be very note worthy.

Today is brilliant. The sky is beautiful, and these are the days where my faith in the Lord are stronger than ever, because honestly what else could have created all of this beauty?

busy busy busy

I have 2 exams tomorrow and I haven't started studying at all! Right now I'm sitting here eating granola and watching The Golden Girls haha. I want to be just like that when I'm there age, living with my best friends aha, they're so sassy!

Yesterday I worked for 9 hours, and missed graduation and my cousin's 16th birthday, it was awful. Then that night I stayed at Haley's which is always fun winkity wink wink. She's leaving for Florida all summer on Wednesday, it sucks!
Today I went to church and then later today is Dan's graduation party which should be a funny fun fun time. Then exam's all week, which I'm, mind my french, shitting myself over.

Anwayyyyz I'm out! Time to overly care over what to wear, and then probably change at the last minute anyways haha.
Ack! I got the cutest ring at charlotte russe the other day
It's an owl and the wings wrap around, I'm obsessed.

I think since it's summer again I'll start posting again. I have more free time, and plus there's more to write about.

I'm freaking out a little bit. All of my friends have graduated and next year I'm going to be a lonely senior. That's right. I have maybe 4 friends still going there? hahaha, I just keep thinking that this is supposed to be the best time of my life and yet there's not going to be hardly anyone to spend it with. Plus, I hate meeting new people, and I tend to alienate the people around me, because I'm uptight and like things done my way. I know it's a flaw, and it's really something I would like to work on, ya know?

My car is totaled and it's up to me to buy a new one, and I really want that day to come since I didn't lose my license n' all.

Right now I'm watching Grease. It's so fabulous, the music and the dancing. Espiecally the fashion. It's genius the way the guys dress in this movie. I think it's very rare to spot a guy with a good sense of fashion honestly, and I really respect and am attracted to guys that care what they look like. I think it's attractive for a guy to do their hair in the morning, and not be afraid to look different than everyone else. I think greasers are just gorgeous in general though leather coats and the typical james dean style of hair is all I need. hahaha.

That's all I have to say, I'm going to go lay down and try to sleep off this double beef and cheese burrito, which never seems to have enough cheese for me.

i can't stand any of my friends. I hate where I live.
I'm so apathetic about everything I can't stand it


I'm just not happy anymore.

In the past week I
went to a photoshoot for rolling stone magazine
and put Nothing Compares 2 U by Sinead O'Connor on non-stop

I think that in order to feel better
I have to get really sick first

and I may have achieved that tonight.
My school had a rally because we haven't passed a levee in 17 years and that means that next year we could possibly have no art programs, no drama, no musical, no sports, and even no prom.
We already have no busing and a load of teachers got cut.
It's really sad. It's not like we have this huge school that needs kept up. My school is 4 hallways. We have really basic subjects, actually the only art we have is drama, art 1,2,3,4, and art appreciation. Of course there is band as well.
Nonetheless, a lot of schools have photography and even sculpture. It's really sad because we're the ones who are missing out on scholarship oppurtunities, and learning oppurtunities. Thank God I graduate next year though.

Anyways, a few girls from my school organized a rally in the Giant Eagle parking lot to boost support of Northwest. Even though it's like 20 degrees outside. A bunch of us braved the cold, and I think it actually helped. News channel 3 and a few newspapers were there. There were speeches, and a few girls sang the alma matter. Sam and I held up a huge sign that said "Step up Citizens" For once I actually loved my school, I usually just hate it's guts. Maybe it was being apart of something bigger than ourselves. I couldn't tell you. Point is, my class, and other classes for that matter, stood up for something, and that's just so awesome to myself. I wonder what this Country would be like if more things like that happened. Except I don't have to wonder, I could just look at the 1960s hahah

"There's Only Us
There's Only This
Forget, Regret, Or Life Is Yours To Miss
No Other Road
No Other Way
No Day But Today"

current obsession: Day & Age by The Killers
the whole album is insane, it's so good
Reminds me of Bowie.

Life couldn't be better right now. Today has just left me very whole I'd say. I didn't do anything really, but things are just going well. I'm on my feet with schooling, and my relationships with people. I'm exactly where I want to be, and that's all I need. I just feel like my life has a lot in store for me, and hopefully it does haha.

This week is going to be insane! Tomorrow I'm going thrifting with josh, and then I have a dress fitting. Yikes! Wednesday I will maybe be shooting with Kelly? or meeting with Shannon. Thursday I have to help set up the church. Friday I'm getting my nails done, and then I have a rehearsal dinner. Saturday I'm in my cousin's wedding as a bridesmaid. It's going to be so hectic! Yet very fun. I feel very fortunate.

I have to have all the presidents memorized by tomorrow! And their parties. This is what I have memorized so far
1 Washington
2 John Adams
3 Jefferson
4 Madison
5 Monroe
6 John Quincy Adams
7 Jackson
8 Van Burren
9 William Henry Harrison
10 Tyler
11 Polk
12 Taylor
13 Fillmore
14 Pierce
15 Buchanan
16 Lincoln
17 Andrew Johnson
18 Grant
19 Hayes
20 Garfield
21 Arthur
22 Cleveland
23 Benjamin Harrison
24 Cleveland
25 McKinley
26 Teddy Roosevelt
27 Taft
28 Wilson
29 Harding
30 Coolidge
31 Hoover
32 Franklin D. Roosevelt
33 Truman
34 Eisenhower
35 John F. Kennedy
36 Lyndon Johnson
37 Nixon
38 Ford
39 Carter
40 Reagan
41 H. W. Bush
42 Clinton
43 W. Bush
44 Obama

okay... so I guess I know them all haha, just parties :/

I'm on this sick nasty diet this week, and all I want to do is feast!
Nonetheless I feel very refreshed

What am I thankful for?
I honestly didn't even think about this question until I saw it in a myspace bulletin, that's very pathetic to me. I guess I get lost in all the makeup of thanksgiving, all the astetics. The turkey, the pilgrim posters hung up at school, the words happy thanksgiving, the hugs, and the family get togethers. Then again, I am thankful for all these things. I'm thankful that my family is one that doesn't make lame excuses, and always powers through at the end no matter what we have been through, which is a lot. We've been faced with young death, drug use, cancer, and even prostitution. But in the end we sit down, we push those aside, and still come of with something to thank God that we have. We always go to my Aunt Sharron's house, and she's one of my favorite people ever. She's got some wild stories from the 60s and 70s and I never get tired of hearing them. My cousin, her daughter, has CP, she's been faced with challenges her entire life, but is one of the happiest people I have ever ever met. She's so smart too, and is just finishing college for the 3rd or 4th time, I can't remember, she has more degrees than almost everyone I've met. My other Aunt Dawne is going through cancer, and she's so strong. It's unbelievable how positive her outlook is on things, and seeing her go through this has really put life in perspective for me. My Uncle Fred, he won't be there. I've never met my uncle Fred. When he was 35 he got in a horrible car accident and wasn't wearing a seatbelt. He died. That was my father's only brother, and his best friend. I can't imagine losing that. I always hear stories about him, and he sounds like an amazing guy, truely amazing.
Still we thank God for having what we do have, and we pray that there's a reason we have been faced with this. There's a reason that I know, and it's the cliche "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" It brings us together and we know that whatever we're going through we ate definitely not alone.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.


The things I am thankful for? No matter how little or small:
-my family above all, I love you
-my friends, the people I can tell anything to, and laugh with, and say the stupiest shit and then just laugh because somehow it makes sense to us.
-my cat, dumb as that sounds, I tell boots everything, he may not understand, but he listens
-my material possesions, I have been blessed enough to afford these things when other people can't even afford thanksgiving dinner
-my individuality, I look at so many other countries, and women aren't even aloud to show there face, as much as I hate it here sometimes, I really am glad I live in America where I can wear and act as I want. I also am glad that my parents let me dress how I want, and choose my own friends.
-God, which goes first in my book. He is always an hear when I need to talk, and ask for things. He has made me and shaped me into who I am today, for that I can't give thanks enough.

My nose is running
my throat hurts
I'm wearing those weird pants and like go under your feet, and gold tennis shoes and a big hoodie.
Listening to some Beyonce "If I were a Boy"
speaking of boys.... let's not.
So conflicted.

I just want a big bowl of chicken soup, a Beverly Hills 90210 (the original not the shit new one with all the ugly people), and to miss school tomorrow.

My lips are really chapped too, I hate winter.

this is trivial, yes, but still.


Should I pay 70 dollars for these:





or 30 for these

I am now officially a 16 year old.
FINALLY!

My friend party was tonight. It was a load of fun. It started off with erin and I watching Zeppelin live ahaha, then it escalated to a bunch of people and we were just sitting around watching tv. lame lame lame. I'm not sure who but someone had the brilliant idea of playing spin the bottle. Things got a little interesting ahahaha. I kissed a gay boy. We knew it'd happen eventually hahahaha. Afterwards was a short lived truth or dare, because we feel that these games are nessacary at a sweet 16 right?
I was very happy sam came, and he got me the Mary Kate and Ashley book Inspiration I'm so excited to read it, plus his grandpa gave me 100 bucks! NIiice
Erin also gave me a lovely card and a book of 70s Fashion which is really sweet.
When it was all over my mom was like "so did you kiss anybody" I replied with a simple "(chuckle) no"
I'm very thankful that everyone could come and spend my birthday with me, it was a very sucessful sweet 16 :]

when your best is not good enough?

this weekend has been a blast, but left me with a runny nose and a huge zit.

Friday after school sam came over, and we hung out for a bit, and then went to go get movies from Saturday, Movie Gallery didn't have any. The Library didn't have any, so we gave up and went to go get Kapper. We then went back to my house for a bit, then McDonalds, then back again. We got to the show and met up with Christian, Adam, Max, Dan, Drew, and Alyssa. The show was very good, we came a little late and missed a Hey Sandy song, but I can't even count the number of times I've seen them, probably over 50 so I think I'll be alright. Maid Myriad was up next and they were alright, then during the set up of Baby Bear we went into the coffee house portion of the venue. There we decided we wanted an after party, which turned into Taco Bell in the heart of Akron ahaha. I got home late which didn't make my mom happy, but it was very fun noneless and I didn't get into any trouble so I'm good.

Saturday I woke up late, I got ready late, I showered late, I left to get movies late, but that was okay because everyone coming ended up showing up late. We had an old horror movie marathon and it was actually a lot of fun, but no one watched the movies that I ran all over to get. I got Night of the Living Dead, The Satanic Rites of Dracula, Nasferatu the first Vampire, House on Haunted Hill, Jack the Ripper, the original Friday the 13th and a bunch more. We watched 3, well not watched, but they were playing. It turned into a gab fest, a ping pong turnament, and a fashion show of erin and sam's marvelous hair contraptions. The turn out ended up being, Erin, Sam, Cubby, Max, Megan, Christian, Drew, and Ryan. It was a nice group. Everything wrapped up at 12:30 because my mom kicked everyone out aha. I had to clean up which took half hour, then take a shower, and I got to sleep really late.

Today I woke up late for church hurried up and threw my hair in a pony tail put on some makeup, and a sweater and dashed out the door. I met up with Sam and Erin. The message was alright, it didn't make me think at all, which I'm always dissapointed in. After church Sam and Erin came over, then Sam had a meeting, and Erin and I went to my grandmas. After grammies I came home then hopped in the car with my mom and my dog, Ava and went to my grandma and grandpa hughes, made my rounds.

Now I am very sleepy, and not exicted for school.

I will on sunday, if I don't, then I will another day

nothing really exciting has happened this week so far, but tomorrow is the hey sandy show with mae, which should be fun, and then saturday is old movies, and sunday cubby and I are going to see the Bride of Frankenstein

I'm sitting here sipping on my morning cup of coffee, and reflecting on my past week of exsistence. I'm just content, and happy. I did a lot this week and whenever I do that I always get tired, but satisfied at the same time.

Rock N Resort was last weekend which was a bunch of fun. I saw a lot of bands and most were really good. I was really impressed with CCR, I didn't realize how many songs I knew by them. I remember listening to those songs in the car with my dad when I was really little. Before I really had school I used to go with my dad to work a bunch, and the car ride was about an hour long. I'd always cry to sit up front, and since I'm daddy's little girl, I always got to. We'd take the hillyest area because I always liked the feeling on my stomach floating in my chest. And we'd sing oldies music like The beatles and CCR and The Moody Blues, things like that. It was so much fun, I'll never forget those days, they were so nice and easy.

Monday Sam and I went to Salvation Army and I got the trashest T-shirt, Oh my Goodness I lovvvve it. ahaha Then we went and got sushi, then came home.
Tuesday Kapper and I went downtown, and then she had to brilliant idea to walk to McDonalds, and on the way it started raining of course. aha
Wednesday my mom and I signed me up for Driver's Ed, and then we went to Wal-Mart to get some makeup
Thursday Sam and Gil came over for a bit, and we made cookies and reminised.

Today I believe I am going to a hot air balloon thing? haha I don't know we'll see.

although those are the lyrics to the current tune I'm listening to, c'est la vie a.k.a. so is life. Well I think that's what it means.

None the less, the past 4 days have been a blur, well the past week really. I've been really busy/really incredibly bored. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were Canal Days, same as always, I enjoyed them I suppose. They could've been better.
Then Sunday I woke up super early, went to my grandma's, got home, hung with sam, went to a show, stayed up late.

Monday, and Tuesday I didn't do anything. By choice really. I just didn't feel up to it. I didn't want to see anyone, and I was incredibly tired. I watched TV, a lot of countdowns. Today I went downtown, but when I woke up I felt the same as I did Monday and Tuesday. This made me think "am I just too lazy anymore to even care about having friends?" Maybe I am, which is a bad thing, I know. I like the company of others, but I just like to sit around and talk, I don't like constant movement, and I just hate being on my feet. I'm perfectly fine sitting and talking, about anything. Is this bad? Not to me. I just don't care about a lot of things anymore, like having a boyfriend. Does it matter? I guess it's nice, but I'm only 15. Today my mom and I were talking and she brought up the subject of boys. I think she's worried, honestly I do. Just because I've only had 1 boyfriend, and I'm going to be a Junior in highschool. I guess that's odd, but seroiusly, it doesn't phase me. I know that I'll find someone in college, it's not like highschool relationship's are going to matter. I don't know, maybe I'm just bitter that I can't find the right guy. Again, my mother and I were talking about prom and dresses, and I said "wow, I'm going to have prom this year!" and she responded by saying "yeah, but who's going to take you?" Even though she made not have meant this in a negative way, it kind of hurt. I don't know, I don't think I'm such a bad person, maybe I just have too high of standards. Maybe I'm just afraid of getting hurt again? Fuck I don't know.

Also, I need to go shopping! I know this is trivial, but still, I want to real bad. I need to earn some cash and hit up salvation army. I wish it was winter, I enjoy winter clothes way more than summer ones. I want a more defined style. Like one that I can look at a piece and say "yeah that totally suits you" I have all these random things that I like, but I want to find a way to mesh them all together, and have a style that is my own. Also, a makeover would be nice. I need nice makeup, I suck at it, I can hardly even put it on evenly.

I can't sleep
myspace won't work
I'm in a horrible mood
my mind is just revolving around one thing, the ONE thing I don't want to think about at all, ever.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have been so busy lately!
Sunday night, it was Karaoke night, which was a lot of fun. Kelly and I sang Wake Me up Before You Go GO which is available on youtube hahah just search "wake me up before you go go kelly and amber" and it should say "wake me up before you go go the kember version"


Monday sam came over with chinese, and we just hung out all day. Tuesday, Sam and I went downtown, and to a few shops, I tried to find an Ella Fitzgerald record at the record store but there didn't have it :/ I really want to get one of those, and a Mamas And the Papas, because I've been listening to them a lot lately. Wednesday I just had a relaxing day, just me and my tv.


Today was canal days which was a lot of fun. I'm so tired though, I rode a bunch of rides and got pretty ill. All I had was a red bull until like 8 so the rides were really upsetting my stomach. Then I got a thing called a "walking taco" the sign said that you could get it was fritos or doritos so I figured that it was just a taco with fritos in it. But it actually was them opening the bag of fritos and then putting taco filling in it. It was actually really good though. Canal days is 3 days were you walk around and see everyone that you're friends with at school, but you never really call on weekends, and soooometimes, okay always, you see those people that you only see at school, that you only want to see at school. Which I did, and it sucked but I quickly recovered and didn't think about it at all, until I saw them, but I figure I'm better off anyways. People grow up, and grow apart. That's life. It sucks, but it's life, and I have nothing to complain about in mine, at least nothing I chose to complain about. Catch my drift?






pictures from anal days later :]

my new favorite song is Dream a Little Dream of Me by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Her voice is so pretty. I really want to get some old jazz records, so sam and i can drink tea, and listen to them and talk about how trendy we are ahahah. But it's not like we're doing it to be trendy we just happen to like both a whole bunch.

Today was a good day. Sam and I went to my aunt's for a family cookout. Well it wasn't a cookout, more like a family gathering where we talked about vibrators, jelly of the month club, and bob dylan while we ate apple pie off of american flag plates. That's pretty damn festive if you ask me. My family's really funny, and all I do when I'm there is get complimented so I don't hate it ahahaha

Then when sam and I got home we played with firecrackers and sparklers which are sooo awesome.

All in all it was just a really nice day and it refreshed my love of my family, I like spending time with my family I really do.

I want to see the new batman movie. I never used to watch movies, but I've been watching them a lot lately, not popular ones though, because the non-popular ones are always better. But I have my guilty pleasures like Music & Lyrics and Wild Hogs.

I'm still watching the Twilight Zone, I'm going to be really sad when it's over. I'll just go back to watching them on youtube haha

the one on right now has to do with the oregon trail which sucks, I hate watching films and television shows about western and like ol west stuff, it's just dirty and I don't like it at all. But this guy actually just got transferred into the 20th century, so this episode may prove to be quite interesting.

NATE COMES HOME TOMORROW! I'm actually really excited. I missed him a lot, I didn't realize how much i relied on his advice. I tell him everything, and know that, but this week I've been faced with a difficult situation, and I told my mom about it, but she didn't really understand because she's not my age, so it'll be nice to see what he has to say about it. He's supposed to come home around 2, and I texted him to see if he wants to get lunch so hopefully he texts me back. I'm supposed to go with sam to his cousin's graduation, but if nate wants to get lunch then I'll have to cancel.

I've been trying a natural approach with my hair and makeup recently. I've been wearing a lot of brown makeup instead of brown, and I haven't striaghtened as much of my hair as I used to. I want to dye it dark dark dark brown. I've had this color for quite awhile.

Anyways, I'll post photos later, I can't because I'm on my brother's macbook.